


The Black Day - L.S.

by seasarah



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Car Accident, Death, Harry Styles - Freeform, Liam Payne - Freeform, Louis Tomlinson - Freeform, Love, M/M, Niall Horan - Freeform, die - Freeform, gaylove, larry - Freeform, larry stylinson - Freeform, stylinson
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-12-08
Updated: 2015-12-08
Packaged: 2018-05-05 15:59:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 7,642
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5381285
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/seasarah/pseuds/seasarah
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Harry Styles tells the story about the love between him and Louis. Their love story, a love story that ended too soon. A love story that was one of the most inspiring love story's. They only had good days. Always laughing, always smiling. Never fighting, always cuddling. Always positive. But that changed... after what Harry calls; The Black Day. A day their love story came to an end, the day the little boy's heart stopped, the day Harry lost Louis. </p><p>And since that day, Harry loses pieces of himself. It's like a puzzle, Louis was the middle, the center and when the center is gone, all pieces lose grip and fall. And that is exactly what's happening to Harry.</p><p>Losing you was hard Lou, but losing myself is even harder.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. prologue

I lost him. It was the black day and immediately when Liam came to my house, with tears in his eyes, I knew that there was something wrong.

'What happened?' I asked Liam.

'Harry, just... just take a seat okay?' He said calm, but I could see the panic in his eyes.

'Li, what's wrong? ' He nodded his head and we walked to the couch. We both toke a seat and then he told me.

'Harry, Louis was in an accident. A car accident.' I looked him into his eyes, he wasn't joking. He was serious. 'Oh my God. Is he alright? In which hospital is he? Does his mother know?' I asked curiously. I was in panic.

'Harry.... Louis didn't make it.' After Liam's words my tears just came and I couldn't stop them. I really didn't know what to do at that moment and Liam was just there. Cuddling me, trying to comfort me. Saying sweet things, but it didn't help.

After an hour, I spend it crying on the couch, I just stood up and throw everything away. The candles on the table, the flowers Louis bought me yesterday. Liam tried to calm me down, but at that moment, no one could calm me down. Everybody was just there, but I didn't felt the warmth, I didn't felt anything at all.

That night all of mine and Louis friends were sleeping in me, and Louis room. Stan, Niall, Liam en Zayn, they were all there, but also then, I didn't felt the warmth of being friends. It was just me and no one else. When I was crying a little I just laid my head down on Louis' pillow. It felt like he was there, like he was just late from work or something. But he wasn't. I could never see him coming home again.

And that's how ended the black day. Just in a sea of tears, with Louis pillow in my arms, on the bed we shared. And I'm gonna express my feelings, and explain what happened after this, but before I can tell you that, I have to start from the beginning.

Harry Styles


	2. summer 2011

I walked on the beach with my sister Gemma en we just had a good time. When see ran into the sea, I just did the same but I fell over an boy, who was laid down there. 'Oh, I'm so sorry, I just... I'm so sorry.' I apologized. 'It's okay hun, really. Is that your sis over there?' He asked and I nodded, with the word hun in my head. 'She's pretty.' He said and he was looking at Gemma. I felt jealous.

'What's your name?' He asked. His blue eyes were bluer then the most blue sea I've ever seen. 'H-Harry.' 'That's a beautiful name, for a beautiful guy.' I felt something inside. It was like butterflies in my stomach. I knew for a while that I was gay.

'Thanks, I think.' 'Come, lay down here.' Louis said and he pointed at the towel next to him. 'From who is it?' I asked. 'From my sis, Lottie. She's there with her friends.' I nodded and laid down. 'So Harry, tell me about yourself.' He said. 'Uh, I'm Harry and I'm 17 years old. I live with my mum and sister in Holmes Chapel and yeah, I think that's it.'

'So I told you who I am, now it's your turn.' Louis looked at me. 'I'm Louis Tomlinson. I'm 19 years old and I live also with my mum and my four sisters.' When he said, his lips formed perfect letters, he had perfect lips and I was staring at them.

'Harry?' Louis voice waked me from my perfect daydream. 'Everything all right?' I nodded. 'Where do you live?' I asked. 'Doncaster.' My heart stopped for a minute. I can visit him with the train. Now we are at a beach in Italy, at the beach, but yeah, I thought that he might be live in another country and that I never see him again.

'So, you are gay right?' Louis asked me and I was in shock. 'How do you know?' Then I felt dumb, because I just admit that I was gay. 'So you are?' 'Yes I am.' I felt ashamed. 'But how did you know?' 'I just felt it, don't be mad at me.' 'Why should I be mad at you?' 'For this.'

He pressed his lips at mine. I was in shock, for the second time. His lips were perfect, just like I thought. I kissed him back and when we stopped I was a little disappointed. Louis put his finger under my chin and lift it up. 'Don't look so sad love, I can kiss you again if you want.'

Louis and I talked for a while. Louis said he saw me a few times, we were staying in the same hotel, and he just felt something for me. I admit that I saw him a couple times, but I didn't focused on boys this holiday, just on having fun with Gems. We talked about everything. Our lives, we were really talking our of our asses.

'How could I ever be mad at you?' 'I don't know. Maybe you don't like me.' He said and he stared to the ground. 'I don't like you Louis.' I said and immediately he turned away. But then I wrapped my arms around him and he looked at me. 'I love you.'

That's when we kissed again. Also our sisters came to the beach. 'Louis, who's that?' A voice asked. And when I looked up, I saw it was Lottie. 'Hi, I'm Harry.' I said and she shaked my hand. 'Lottie.' She looked a little angry at Louis, but then she went back to her friends.

'Lou, is she mad?' I asked. 'I don't think so, just a little overwhelmed, that's all.' He said. I just nodded and then he get closer to me. 'Is this not too fast?' Louis asked. 'Maybe, we can be a little slower. Just.. just not too fast.' I said and he nodded.

That day when I walked to the hotel, Gemma was curious. 'Who was that Hazza?' She asked a few times. 'A boy Gem, his name is Louis and yeah, we kissed.' 'Yeah, I saw that. Very fast Hazza.' 'Maybe, but it felt right Gems, really I think I love Louis.' When I said that I realized that that wasn't the truth, I don't think I love him. I know I love him.

At midnight I walked on the beach with Louis. He sneaked into the hotel and knocked at my door. We were holding hands and when Louis looked at me, I felt so happy. Mostly of the time that I spend with Louis I felt happy.

'Lou, what did Lottie say?' 'She said that she think it was too fast.' I nodded, thinking about Gemma's words, they were the same. 'Gemma said the same. That our kiss was too fast.' 'You liked it tough?' 'Yes I did, I like you Lou.' 'I like you too.'

'And you've never been drunk before?' Louis asked after a glass of beer. 'No, I'm 17 Lou, its so young.' I didn't drink that evening. 'You want a beer?' He asked. 'No, I don't want a beer.' 'Okey Hazza, I stop drinking beer now.' He said and he did. He didn't drink when he was with me after that time on the beach. He was just a sweet boy.

When I was back at my hotel room I couldn't stop thinking about Louis. The way he looked at me, the way his voice sounds, the way he kissed me. All the things I loved about Louis. And maybe our sisters were right, that we did the things too fast, but it felt good. Good to be with someone I love, really love. Gems was just a little worried.

And when I tried to sleep, I just felt so sick and I immediately went to the bathroom, to throw up in the toilet. Everything of the day before came out, I felt sick, really, really sick. And when I walked to my bed, I heard my phone and saw that Louis send me a message.

From Louis: Hey hun, I hope you had a good day today hun. I did have a good day. Love you. Lou

Immediately I send a message back.

To Louis: Hey Lou, I had a good day, but I feel a little sick now. It has nothing to do with you. Just tired I think. Love you too baby. H

I put my phone away and I laid down on the bed. I couldn't sleep and when I looked at my phone to check the time I heard a knock on the door. The time was 05.36. I stood up and when I opened the door, I saw Louis standing there.

'Hey hun.' He walked in. Throw his shoes away and laid down on the bed. 'C'mon hun, you have to sleep.' I also laid down on the bed. Louis arms around my waist, and I fell asleep. I didn't asked him why he came, because I already known the answer. Because I love you.


	3. fall 2011

Louis and I were in London. Just walking trough the city and visiting all of the nice shops. Louis said that if I could, I could go to his home in Doncaster and stay there for a couple of days. And yes, I did.

After the holiday in Italy, we had a lot of contact. We skyped, called en text each other every day. Just like a relationship. Niall, my best friend, asked me who Louis was and then I didn't know for sure if he was my boyfriend. It felt weird when Niall asked.

'Lou, what are we now?' I asked. 'What do you mean hun?' 'Are we boyfriends or just friends?' I asked curious, because I hoped that he was gonna say. Yes we are.

'Harry, we are boyfriends right? That's what I'm telling everybody.' He answered. 'Really?' 'Yeah, I told Liam and Stan and Zayn.' 'Okey then love, if you say so.' 'I say so.'

When Louis saw a shop he liked, he just ran to it and I followed. One single time he was almost hit by a car and the driver looked angry at us. My lips formed a 'sorry' and we walked to the shop. It was a shop with books and I was surprised Louis that read books. He walked through the cabinets, searching for a book.

'Lou, what book are you searching for?' My curiosity was me the boss and he looked up to me. 'Just a book about a boy.' 'What book Lou?' He didn't answer and walked away from me. I grabbed his arm and his eyes were full of tears. 'Lou, what book is so important and secret that I may not know the title?' I was a little confused about the fact that Louis had secrets for me. 'Harry, it's not a big deal, I want to give you a book okay? I just wanted to surprise you.' He said and I felt stupid. 'Sorry Lou, my fault, I'm sorry.' I stared to the ground and Louis lift my chin up. 'You don't have to say sorry. C'mon, were going home.'

At Louis place, he introduced me to his friend Liam. 'So you're Liam right?' 'Yes I am, Louis talks about you a lot. He loves you mate, you're a lucky guy.' Liam said and I was shy af. 'Louis told me also something about you.' I said to break trough the silence. 'He always does.' Liam laughed and Louis was playing with his soccer ball. 'C'mon hun, please play with me.' Louis begged. 'One round Lou, I can't play soccer.'

Johannah made hot chocolate and Louis had a mustache. 'You look absolutely gorgeous.' I said and he looked at me with the; Shut up face. When we finished it we went up stairs to Louis room. He locked it, for his little sisters he said and he pushed me on the bed. 'Lou, it's just too..... uh too fast.' I said. I wasn't ready jet.

'It's fine, really.' He said, but he was a little disappointed, I saw it in his eyes. 'Lou, please. I'm just a little young. Don't be mad.' I said wrapping my arms around his waist. 'It's okay Hazz. Really.' He heard Gemma calling me Hazz and then he did the same. 'Okay, come here cuddle me.' I said and Louis grabbed me. He was cuddling and kissing me and his hands went under my shirt. I liked the feeling of his skin touching mine, and for that moment, it was enough.

The next day Lottie came upstairs. 'Louis you have to do groceries.' She said and we went to the supermarket. In the car Louis was a little grumpy. It was because Lottie waked him up. Me too, but I didn't mind. Louis did.

'Lou, c'mon, don't be mad at her. I'm right here, so don't you dare to be mad.' He laughed, focusing on the way. 'I love you so much.' I said, placing my hand on his leg. 'Harry, I'm driving.' He said, but I could see he liked it. The sparkles in his eyes were there. He always had them when he enjoyed something. 'Louhou.' 'Yes hun?' 'I was wondering if you would come to my place in a few weeks?' I asked, at that moment it start raining. 'Yeah of course.' He said and then he looked outside. 'Bloody hell. This shitty weather makes me sick.' He said and his face looked like he was so bored. 'This weather is lovely.' I joked, but Louis thought I was serious. 'Really Hazz? This is awful, I mean.....' 'Oh shut up and focus on the way.'

On the way home the radio was on and I sang all the songs. Sometimes I heard Louis sing, but he stopped when I was looking at him. He had a beautiful voice. 'Lou, c'mon, don't be shy.' I said, but no, he wouldn't sing.

And in the afternoon, we played soccer with Liam, Stan and Zayn. I was just sitting by the tree watching Louis playing soccer. He's just so beautiful. I made a few pictures of him and then it start rain again. Louis ran to me and we said goodbye to the boys. Then we ran to his house, but we were soaked.

'I hate this weather, stop raining please.' Louis was very, very grumpy and he immediately walked upstairs and took a shower. When he came out, he was naked. No towel, nothing. 'Oh Hazz, I'm sorry... I know you said that we're going to fast, sorry. I just forgot my towel really.' He was in panic, because he thought that I was mad at him. I walked to him and kissed him. 'It's fine.' I said and then I took a shower.

I heard Louis sing when I came out. His voice was fragile and it was the most beautiful thing I heard in my life. Louis always known how to surprise me. Time after time, he always did surprise me.

'Lou, why do you never sing?' I asked when I came in. 'How long were you standing there?' He asked. 'It doesn't matter. You should be a singer Lou. It was beautiful.' He shook his head. 'No Harry, it wasn't. I'm a terrible singer.' 'Don't ever say that again Tomlinson.' I hugged him and he finally he would sing for me. It was the first time he sang for me, and it was like magic.

If I don't say this now I will surely break

As I'm leaving the one I want to take

Forget the urgency but hurry up and wait

My heart has started to separate

Oh, oh, oh

Oh, oh, oh

Be my baby

Oh, oh, oh

Oh, oh, oh

Oh, oh, oh

Be my baby

I'll look after you

There now, steady love, so few come and don't go

Will you, won't you be the one I'll always know?

When I'm losing my control, the city spins around

You're the only one who knows, you slow it down

Oh, oh, oh

Oh, oh, oh

Be my baby

Oh, oh, oh

Oh, oh, oh

Oh, oh, oh

Be my baby

I'll look after you

And I'll look after you

If ever there was a doubt

My love she leans into me

This most assuredly counts

She says most assuredly

Oh, oh, oh

Oh, oh, oh

Be my baby

I'll look after you

After you

Oh, oh, oh

Oh, oh, oh

Be my baby

Oh, oh, oh

I'll look after you

It's always have and never hold

You've begun to feel like home

What's mine is yours to leave or take

What's mine is yours to make your own

Oh, oh, oh

Oh, oh, oh

Be my baby

Oh, oh, oh

Oh, oh, oh

Oh, oh, oh

Be my baby

Oh, oh, oh

Oh, oh, oh

Oh, oh, oh

Be my baby

Oh, oh, oh

Oh, oh, oh

Oh, oh, oh

Be my baby

Oh, oh, oh

I will always be your baby Lou.


	4. winter 2011 - 2012

Louis came over after Christmas and New Year's Eve. 'Hi hun, happy new year.' He said and he hugged me. 'Happy new year Lou.' We laid down on the couch and my mum came in with hot chocolate and Christmas cookies. I remember it snowed outside.

When we finished our hot chocolate we went outside and we had a snowball fight. Louis was totally snow and also I had a lot of snow on me. It was pretty cold. 'Harry, stop. I'm freezing.' Louis begged. 'But it's so funny.' I said with a smile on my face. 'Harold, stop.' I immediately stopped when he called me Harold. 'Lou, please don't ever call me Harold again.' 'Oh sorry Hazz, I'm sorry. I'm just so cold and I didn't want it to call you Harold, but....' 'Lou, it's fine, come, then we go inside and then you take a shower.' I said and he nodded.

Louis was then whole day a little cold and I thought he was sick. He was just laying on my bed and he said he was cold, a few times. 'Hun, c'mon. I'm not sick just cold, so please come here in bed with me.' He said. I did that and the next day, I was sick too.

We were just laying in bed, my mum was serving us and we were watching movies. 'Lou, I'll never let you go you know?' 'I know Hazza, the same for me. I wanna marry you, have kids with you and live with you for ever.' He said. 'Kids huh?' I asked. He wanted to have kids with me. 'Yeah kids, adopted of course, because it's impossible in the other way, but yeah I wanna have kids with you.'

Louis threw everything up, and I cleaned it, he did the same to me, in the hotel room. Then he fell asleep in my bed so I walked down stairs and my mum was sitting at the couch. 'Harry?' She asked when I walked to the kitchen. 'Yes?' 'Come here sweetie, I wanna talk with you about Louis.' She pointed with her finger at the stairs. 'He sleeps now.' I said. 'Okey, come, we need too talk Harry.' She said. 'What's up mum?' I asked when I set down at the couch. 'Is it serious between you two?' I nodded. 'Of course mum, it's serious and I love him very much.' I said a little mad at her, because she knew it was serious. 'Anything happened Harry, sexual?' 'No mum, Louis wanted to but I said no because I'm not ready yet and he accepted that.' 'That's fine sweetie, now go back up stairs to you boyfriend.' That's what I did.

Louis was too beautiful to be sick. It was a twenty year old boy who had beautiful blue eyes and the way he had his hair was amazing, but when he was sick, his hair was a mess and his blue eyes were not that shiny like they always were. I was a little sick too, but Louis felt a lot sicker. I was his personal assistant and I liked that, because I could cuddle him whenever I wanted to, and then I said that it was to make him feel better.

'Hazz, I feel so sick. Is there nothing that makes me better? I wanna meet you friend, Niall.' He said. 'Niall can come over, so you can play Fifa?' I asked. 'Is that possible?' I nodded. So I called Niall and asked him to come over.

Niall came and he and Louis played Fifa for two hours. Then Louis threw up again and Niall said that he had to go to his mum, what was bullshit, he left because he thought he might be sick if he stayed.

'Hazz I'm so sorry. I'm throwing up all the time and we can't even cuddle. If you want me to go home, say it please. I can call my mum to pick me up.' He said and I saw he was sad. 'Lou, it doesn't matter. I'm here for you and please don't go. I love having you here, even when your sick. If we're gonna live together, you and I will be sick sometimes, so it's part of being in a relationship.' I said and then I hugged him. 'And we can cuddle. Don't ever forget that we can always cuddle.' There formed a smile on his face and I was happy to see him smile. 'You are my little Boo.'

That night Louis was awake every two hours. He was so sick that he couldn't even walk good, no one known what was going on. I put a bucket next to his bed. Every time he threw up I cleaned it and then we went back to sleep. It was really sad to see Louis like that. He feels sicker and sicker and there was nothing I could do.

The next day I suggested to go to the doctor. Maybe he known what was going on. Louis changed his clothes and then we drove to the doctor.

'Louis Tomlinson?' The doctor asked. We stood up and Louis was scared, scared of the doctor. We walked in and told the doctor the story. The doctor asked Louis a few questions. 'Do you smoke?' Louis nodded. I was totally in shock. Louis and smoking? 'Lou really?' I asked. Tears were formed in my eyes. 'Sorry.' He said and then the doctor give us a medicine. There was something that the smoke came in his mouth and because he had a flu it didn't go away there and then it was a very nasty thing what you made throw up. Just like when you smell smite thing nasty or taste it, Louis had both.

After we get the medicine we went home. In the car I didn't say anything, I was mad at Louis because he had secrets for me. 'Harry, I'm sorry okey. I'm so sorry that I didn't tell you that I smoke. Im sorry Hazz, I shouldn't smoke at all. I'm sorry.' He start crying. Louis was crying because he made me mad. I felt terrible making Louis sad, because he was already sick. 'It's okey, just forget, but you have to stop with smoking. Please?' 'I promise Hazz.'

At home my mum asked what it was and we just told her a heavy flu. She believed us. We went to my room and Louis took his medicines. He said they were awful and I told him to just do what the doctor said. He was pissed, but he did what I said.

'Harry?' 'Yes Lou?' 'Sometimes I ask myself the question, what am I doing in the world?' I thought about the question. And I thought he had a point. Why are we at the world. Then I answered. 'It's because we can make the world a little better.' 'Can we Hazza?' 'Yes Lou, we can. I can do everything with you next to me.'

Unfortunately you're not longer here with me.


	5. spring 2012

I was listening to the teacher from college. It was my birthday and Louis opulent come over. I also couldn't come over when it was his birthday. 'Mr. Styles pay attention please.' The teacher said and I just nodded. Then the door opened. 'Harry!' I heard Louis voice and when I was watching at the door, Louis came in, with my mentor. She walked to the teacher and they had a little conversation. I walked to Louis and gave him a kiss, the other students looked weird at us. 'My little baby is eighteen.' He said. 'You are still older.' I said hugging and kissing him. 'Come, you get a day off. It's fine I walked to you mentor.' He said and we walked trough the hallway.

'Lou, why are you here, you have your exam year and you had to learn.' I asked when we got home. 'Harry, it's for two days, then I'll go back and we see each other in the holiday hun. I just wanted to see you and now your eighteen.' He had tears in his eyes. 'Lou, why do you cry?' I asked. 'I don't cry.' He said but he lied. 'Lou, what's up love, what's wrong?' I asked again. 'Harry, it means that you're a adult now. So we can live together, I can propose you or in a different way and we just can be together.' 'So you wanna live together?' 'Yeah, if you don't wanna live together it's fine. But yeah.' He was curious what I was gonna say. 'Of course Lou.' 'Really, I mean we have to get better jobs, but when I finish this study in a few months we earn enough and we can search for an apartment in London maybe....' 'Lou calm, I think we can look that up, but there is something else I wanna do.'

I kissed him on the cheek and he was a little shocked that I just did that. My hand found the way under his shirt and they I took it off. I pushed him on the bed and I kissed him at his chest. They I went a little lower at his stomach. I came out by his trousers and unzipped it. I took them off and Louis laid there with only his boxers. 'Hazz, it's not funny this way, you have all your clothes on.' He said and yeah, it was the truth. So I stood up, took of my shirt and trousers and now I also only had a boxer. I locked the door and then I sat on Louis. I grabbed the fringe of his boxer and when I wanted to pull it down I couldn't. There was something in my head that said no. But I saw that Louis was enjoying it, so I wouldn't stop. 'Hazz, I can pull him.' Louis said and he took his boxer off. Then it was my time. I grabbed the fringe, but I couldn't take it off. 'L-lou, I-I can't.' I said and then I cried.

Louis came to me, with the blankets. And he was just sitting there next to me. 'It's fine Hazz, don't be ashamed. It's fine really.' He said and then we just cuddled. I felt stupid, I couldn't show myself to my boyfriend, it was so stupid. I was so insecure about myself and I didn't know why.

The next day when Louis left, I felt terrible. I couldn't even think about school, because I felt sick. Mentally sick. It was like hell.

Louis called me, to say that it was okay and that he had the same when it was his first time. But I couldn't let it go, it was like it was my fault he left, but he said he should leave the other day. So I just stayed in bed for a whole day and when my mum came in, I said I felt sick.

spring holiday

Louis and I went to London that holiday. Just looking for a house. I didn't told my mum that we were looking for a house. 'Harry, I have something for you.' Louis said. He gave me a notebook. 'You can write down the things that are in your head.' He said. 'Thanks Lou, thanks a lot. I think it will help.'

After shopping in London, we went to Louis house in Doncaster. I stayed there for the night and the next day Liam and Zayn came.

'Hi, guys.' Louis was happy to see them all. He was always happy to see his friends. Now he could never see them again. They played soccer, how surprising.

'C'mon Hazz, just play with us.' Louis said but I shook my head. 'No Lou, have fun, I can't play soccer and I doesn't want it.' I said. 'Harry, please. I just want you to play with us. It's fun Hazz.' Louis tried to convince me, but it doesn't work. 'No, it's fine Lou. Please have fun.'

He played with the boys and I was just watching him. He was so beautiful when he played soccer. Louis sweating and happy was one of the most beautiful views I ever had.

'Lou, maybe we can go to Holmes Chapel tomorrow with Zayn, Liam and Stan and then you all can play soccer with Niall. At the fields nearby my house.' I suggested. 'Yeah, that's a good idea, then they know each other all and that's a very good idea Hazza.' I was happy that he said yes, because he also could said that it was a terrible idea. So he called the boys and they all said yes, except Stan, he was moving house, so he had to help at home.

Louis was happy that evening and we watched Frozen with the whole family. It was fun and Louis was laughing all the time, because of Olaf. The funny snowman.

'Lou, it's gonna be a great day tomorrow.' I said when we laid in bed. 'Yes Hazz, finally our friends can meet and then we're going to be a friend group.' He said and he was very exciting.

The next day we stood up early and we picked up Zayn and Liam. Then we drove to Holmes Chapel and the boys met Niall. They all liked each other and they played soccer and I drew them during playing soccer. Louis didn't asked me to come, because he knew that I was gonna say no. And it was okey.

They he brought me home and we said goodbye, and then Louis and Liam and Zayn were going home. I stood there in the door and looked at them until they were a little black spot.

I wish I did that at The Black Day.


	6. summer 2012

It was exact a year after Louis and I met and we were laying on the same beach. Our families decided to go to the same place, because everyone knew the place and it felt good.

Louis and I slept on the same room, our parents said that it was okey and so we had a little impression of living together. I told my mum and Louis told his that we had plans to live together and they both said that it was okey.

When Louis and I went to our hotel room I was just a little sick, because of the very hot sun. It always made me a little sick, but when Louis was there, it didn't matter, because he was helping me. He was always so sweet and he cuddled me whenever I wanted. It was like the most perfect relationship from movies, but real.

'What are you thinking about Hazz?' Louis asked curiously. Louis always asked me what I was thinking about. 'Just about how beautiful our relationship is.' I answered and him blew me a kiss. 'C'mon, at least, give me a real kiss.' I said, and that's what he did. He gave me a kiss with his perfect lips and of course, I kissed him back. How could you not kiss Louis Tomlinson back. I mean, he is, was, perfect.

When Louis thought I was asleep, he sneaked out of the hotel room and went to the bar in the hotel. I wasn't asleep, and it hurts me that he just sneaked out. So after half an hour I stood up, a little dizzy and walked downstairs. I searched for Louis and I found him, at the bar, drunk. He was obviously drunk, and he was laughing and telling jokes to the other men at the bar. It was awful to see Louis like this. This was not my Louis.

My first thought was to walk to him and say he had to come to bed. But then I thought that I should get a lot of hate over myself, so I didn't do anything. I just walked to the room and laid down on the bed. With the imagine of a drunk Louis, and with tears rolling down my face, I fell asleep.

The next morning, Louis slept when I woke up. He took I shower, because it was a little wet, so Louis made it late. I took a shower, and then I went to the breakfast room. I ate something and saw my mum looking at the empty chair next to me. 'He is very tired mum. He sleeps.' I told her. It was true, but there was a reason Louis was tired, I didn't told her.

When I came in, I saw Louis sitting on the bed. His eyes were wet and I walked up to him. 'Harry, where the hell have you been?' He asked, I heard a little tremor in his voice. 'I had breakfast. You was asleep and I wouldn't wake you up.' I said a little angry. I didn't know why, in real, I did know why. Because Louis was drunk, really drunk last night, but I didn't told him that I saw it. I didn't told him that I was awake. The dumbest fault I could make.

'Harry, what are we going to do today?' He asked. He asked to change the subject. 'I don't know, we can go to the beach?' I suggested, Louis shook his head. 'I don't wanna go to the beach today. It's gonna be a very hot day Hazza, it's not good for you.' He said. I was surprised he was worried about me.

'Uhm, we can go visit the place, eat something in the village.' 'Okey, that's fine, but you have to rest Hazza, maybe you can take a nap in the afternoon.' He said. At that moment I knew that Louis wanted to drink then, when I was asleep. But he didn't told me, he just told me he was worried about me.

'Maybe Lou, c'mon dress up, we'll visit the village.' I said. He was grumpy a little, and I had to find out why, because if I didn't, the whole holiday would be a disaster.

In the village Louis looked around him, he was a little nervous. 'Why are you so nervous Louis? Is there something going on I doesn't know?' I asked and he shook his head. 'Nothing Hazza, it's okay, really.' He said, but I didn't believe him.

He was so alert and nervous. 'Lou what the hell is going on?!' I was angry now, because Louis didn't told me what was going on. 'Hazz, please. I just.... I just have a surprise for you.' He said. Immediately I felt guilty. Louis just had a surprise for me and I was angry at him because he didn't told me, but then it wouldn't be a surpass anymore. So I shut up.

'Sorry Lou, I didn't know.' I said. 'Really? If I tell you,isn't it a surprise Harold.' He used my full name and I just let it go. I don't know why I'm always a little upset when someone uses my full name, and this time i just let it go.

Then at the middle of a square Louis stopped. He was looking around him and then he smiled. What the hell was going on. And that's the moment, he went on one knee.

'Harry, I do know that you don't love surprises, but I hope you love this one. Because I love you and I hope you love me. That's why I have this for you.' He grabbed a ring out of his pocket. 'Harry, please marry me.' He said. I was in shock, but it was a nice shock. That kind of shock you have when you win 100.000 pounds. 'Will you marry me Harry?' he asked again.

'Of course I marry you.' I said. I don't know why, just because I loved him I think. And then we kissed, and kissed and we drink champagne, good champagne. It was the first time I had alcohol, and I knew I had to stop after three glasses. I was always a kind of overreacting at stuff, so I knew also at alcohol.

eLouis helped me to the hotel room and we decided to tell our parents tomorrow. When my mind was clear. Louis came next too me and he wrapped his arms around my waist. Then I realized what I did, I was engaged, at the age of 18. 

And I have no regret, Lou. I never had.


	7. fall 2012

I went to school and told Niall about the engagement. He was a little in shock. I was so young he said, maybe too young. I told Niall that it was the right decision and after a day, he believed me.

'Harry, you told your mum right?" He asked. "Of course I did Niall. I talked about it with her, and Louis was also there. Its okay with her." I told him. Niall was a little worried, but that's how Niall is. Always worried about others. 

At school, a few classmates came to me and asked about the ring I had around my finger. I still have around my finger. "I'm engaged." I told them, they were all in shock and Niall was laughing. He was laughing about he fact I just said it. And Niall's laugh was hilarious, so I laughed too.

A girl named Mia told my mentor that I was engaged. She thought it was a bad and awkward thing, but it wasn't. My mentor asked me to come after school to have a conversation. I didn't told her that Louis was coming over and that he had to come to the conversation.

I called Louis to tell him that I had an appointment with my mentor and he said that he would be there. I was a little nervous about the conversation. Niall was there to calm me down.

'Harry, c'mon mate. It's okey. I think it isn't about your engagement.' He said and I shook my head. 'It is Niall, she is gonna tell me everything, about how bad it is and everything.' I cried a little. Just because I didn't wanted to go to my mentor. I liked her, but yeah, I thought it would be awful.

At 03.20 pm Louis and I met each other at the parking. 'Hey babe, are you alright?' I shook my head and hugged him. 'Hey Harry, it's fine love, really. C'mon were going to your mentor.' I took my hand and we walked together through the school. 

'Hi Harry, I asked you to come because.....' At that moment she saw Louis. 'Euhm, this is my fiance, Louis.' I told her and she was a little in shock. Louis was three years older and we were engaged. 

'Harry, the thing I wanna talk about is your engagement. Someone from your class told me and I'm shocked, really.' She said. I felt tears coming up and Louis' dumb was stroking my hand. 'Why are you in shock?' Louis asked, he saw I couldn't say anything. 

'He's so young, only seventeen.' 'I'm twenty, in the winter I'll be twenty-one. I'm the older one in the relationship.' Louis said. 'But Harry is young and I think he might be make the wrong choice.' She said. My tears fell on my lap. 'Harry know what he does and I do too. You see what you do, he's crying right now. He can't listen longer to this.' Louis was angry, very angry at my mentor. I was just sitting there and I cried.

Louis stood up and I did the same. 'Harry, you have to stay, I'm your teacher.' She said. 'I can't listen longer to this, like Louis said. It's my fucking choice.' I said and Louis pulled me closer to him. Then we walked out.

Outside I cried like the time I saw Louis drunk at the bar. The time I was lonely in bed and thinking of that made me cry even harder. 'Harry, don't listen to her.' He said. I didn't stop crying and Louis knew that there was something wrong. 'Hazz, there is something else, isn't it?' He asked and I nodded. 

'What's wrong hun?' He asked. 'Lou, I, I saw you, in the hotel last summer.' 'Yeah, of course, we had a room together.' 'Not funny, I saw you the night I felt sick. You promised me to stay and then you sneaked out. I saw it al. I act like I was asleep.' I told him. Louis was a little in shock. 'Sorry Hazza, I'm so sorry. I went to my sisters....' 'Don't lie to me!' I screamed. 'Hazza, I don't.' 'You do, I walked downstairs and saw you at the bar. You was drunk, very drunk Louis.' I cried and I was angry.

'Harry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry. Sorry for sneaking out, sorry for lying, sorry for being drunk and most of all, sorry that you saw it.' He felt very guilty. 'I just don't get it.' I told him and he nodded. 'I thought I could have one drank, but yeah, I'm a little addicted H.' I saw that guilty look in his eyes and I hugged him.

'It's okay, we just forget it.' I whispered into his ear. 'Really?' 'Really. It's fine Lou really. I love you so much and I'm not going to let this destroy our love.' I told him and he kissed me. He kissed me deeply and soft. It was pure, like Louis always was. He didn't taste like cigarets or alcohol that time.

'You quit smoking?' I asked. 'Of course I did, for you and for myself. It was necessary Hazza.' I was proud at him, very proud. 'I love you.' 'Love you too Hazza, from here to the moon, to the sun, and then 100000 times around the earth and back.' He still felt a little guilty, I understood he felt guilty. 

We drove to my house in Louis car and when we came in, my mum was very happy to see Louis. She made cookies and then she wanted to talk to Louis, I had to go to my room. I didn't like it, what the hell were they talking about? I was too curious and I walked quiet downstairs. I could hear them talk. It was about me.

'Louis, take care of him okay? He has a lot of things that can go wrong.' My mum sounds broken. 'I do, I really do. Can you please go to school, to talk to his mentor?' Louis asked. 'Yes of course, after what you told me I have to go. My son is happy now and nobody is gonna take that away from him.' I really loved my mum at that moment, but I didn't like the fact they were talking 'bout me. 'Thanks Louis.' 'For what?' 'For making my son happy, sometimes you know, sometimes Harry wouldn't live anymore.' She promised me that she won't tell anyone. 'Really Anne?' 'Yes Louis, Harry was depressive, he didn't told you that?' 'No.' 'Ask him, it's important you know, Harry was depressive and you made him smile, but you have to know what happened before.' Then it was quiet and I ran upstairs. 

A few seconds later came Louis. 'Hey Lou.' 'Hey Hazz.' His voice sounded a little broken. 'What's wrong?' I asked, I already knew what was wrong. 'You were depressive.' He said calm and I nodded. 'That's right.' 'Tell me Harry, I need to know.' He said and he settled down next to me on the bed. 'It was a dark period. I felt sick all the time and nothing made me happy. Sometimes I was just sitting in the bathroom with a bottle of pills in my hand, the same on the holiday when we met. The night before I met you I had all the pills in my hand, I had a glass with water and then my mum came in. She saw it and stopped me. If she didn't came in I was dead Lou. The next day I met you, and you know the rest of the story.'

Louis was in shock, I could see it in his eyes. 'Harry, why were you depressive?' He asked. 'Because I find out I'm gay. I thought it was weird and I felt like no one else was gay.' I told him and he just hugged me. He hugged me for a long long time. Since then he always did when I felt unhappy or a little depressive.

I wish you could hug me now.


End file.
